How to Make a [snazzy] Snappy Comeback

Ok, so some total jerk face has called you a mean name, or has said something rude about you, or whatever. Well, you have two choices: you can shrug it off and walk away, or you can get it right back in their face! These are some of the basics on how to make a snappy comeback, with some helpful tips on word choice and so on. In your face!

Situation 1:

Let’s say some idiot “accidentally” trips over your backpack. He gets up, brushes himself off, and says, “Watch your stuff, baloney brain!” So what do you do?

Let’s face it: this guy is a nutcase. He can’t even come up with a decent insult, or at least an original one. This guy isn’t worth any moment of your time. So make it short, simple, and to the point. Bonus points if you can pull it off with an icy look in your eyes.

Example: “If I gave a crap, you’d be the first person I’d give it to.”

Situation 2:

You give an answer in math class, and you said the wrong answer. The girl next to you snickers and says “What an idiot!” under her breath. The nerve!

Notice the person’s word choice. She used the word “idiot.” The best way to go here is to incorporate intellect into your comeback; otherwise it will have no point. Do your best to act calm and natural about it, otherwise you’ll look like you’re trying too hard.

Example: “If your brain was chocolate, it wouldn’t fill an M&M.”

Situation 3:

Let’s say you’re walking to your next class, and some popular girl insults your clothes, and so do her other friends. You like your style. So what do you do?

Since she talked about clothing, you want to attack the weakest point of her style. Does she dress too skimpy? Base your insult on her outfit’s showiness. This one should also be short. Make it simple, yet powerful.

Example: “At least I’m wearing something.”

Tips:

1) Cussing isn’t okay, unless it’s used sparingly. If you cuss too much, you’ll come off as the bad one.

2) If your comeback is funny, try to hold your laughter until after you’ve said it. You’ll get a better reaction.

3) See if you can use eloquent words in your insult. The target might become so confused that you’ll not only have an insult, you’ll have entertainment!!

4) Try not to do anything immature. Don’t stick out your tongue, or give anyone the “finger.” You’ll come off as silly and babyish.